I get up each morning, dust off my wits, Pick up my paper, and read the “Obits,” If my name is missing, I know I’m not dead. So I eat a good breakfast, and
go back to bed.
Actually, I am not that old. I am today, however, another year older! Traditionally you all get to guess my age, and this year is no exception. In the past I’ve been complained at for always making the quizzes mathematical (Well, duh. You are guessing a number. What were you expecting?) and so this year we have two separate tests. Also, there are points. I have a high opinion of my readers* and thus I feel confident that you’ll do well here. As of today, and for the next 365 of your Earth days, my age is, in decreasing order of difficulty to work out:
Quiz for maths people, people who wear glasses, or people who consider themselves clever*
- the Saros number of the solar eclipse series which began on September 24, 1957 BC and ended on March 10, 460 BC
- the smallest number n with exactly 7 solutions to the equation φ(x) = n
- the atomic number of germanium
- 273.15K in Farenheit
- the fifth power of two
- my age in 2004 plus four
Quiz for thick people, liberal arts majors from the US, people who work in MacDonalds, and Jono
- the number of variations in Bach’s Goldberg variations
- my age in 2006 plus two
If you got down to the bottom of the quiz most appropriate to you and still don’t know the answer, try the other quiz. If you’ve done both and still don’t know the answer, then your shipment of fail has arrived in style and you should give your computer back since I’m surprised you’re able to operate it. I’ll take it off your hands tomorrow; today I’m too busy enjoying my birthday. It started rather well, but now I’m at work. Still, we all have our crosses to bear, especially those who still don’t know how old I am. Same age as Christ was when he was crucified, allegedly, although I thought that was next year. If the stigmata* show up I’ll be sure and report it.