Those of you who have spent some time in my company, or even a few seconds in my company, will be aware that I’m a smoker. Now, there are those who smoke because they’re addicted, and those who smoke because they were seduced into it at a young age, and those who smoke because they’re sick and tired of the pious mouthings of health Nazi whiners who wouldn’t know fun if it fell out of a tree onto their heads, but me… I enjoy it. This may seem hard to believe, but I swear it’s the truth. I’m not here doing a commercial for Marlboro. Smoking’s nice. You can tell this by looking at the vast array of people who don’t smoke unless they’re out having a drink: that is, while they’re having an entertaining evening.
There are, however, some downsides to this glorious world of tobacco. Chief among them is, of course, an early and appalling death, and when you add that it’s expensive, anti-social, unpleasant-smelling, inconvenient, repulsive, annoying, inconsiderate, and nowhere near as rebellious as every smoker thinks it is, there’s not a lot going for the whole concept.
Apart from the whole enjoyment thing, as noted, and that’s (ha!) the killer app for the whole fags idea. Beyoncé knows this: that’s why she did a song with the lyric “all the cigarettes, all the cigarettes, woah-oh-oh, a-woah-ho-oh”. Anyway, after a lifetime of smoking, it occurred to me I should probably do something about it. Combined with this, with Jungian synchronicity, came a number of things, one of which was a memory of seeing Otto “chaotic” Greenslade smoking an electric cigarette with evidence of enjoyment. Now, if I’m prepared to spend money on games for Ubuntu that might not even work on my crappy integrated graphics card, electric cigarettes ought to be a shoo-in. After some poking around on the internet, it turns out that there are a zillion different companies in this whole e-fags game. I picked Smoke Relief, because they seemed sane and they’re in the UK. (I have no connection with these people, other than being a satisfied customer.)
The way electric cigarettes work, for those of you who haven’t come across these items, is that you get a thing which looks like a cigarette but is actually a battery (the long white bit) and a little reservoir of the magic fluid (the brown bit that looks like a filter) which screws into it. The battery charges from a USB port, can you believe it? And the magic fluid is a combination of glycerine (which is apparently harmless, because it’s the stuff they use in smoke machines in nightclubs), nicotine (because, well, addicted) and some sort of flavouring. The Smoke Relief people do a “starter pack” (Benson and Hedges should take some tips here) which only costs a tenner, so you can give it a go for the cost of one box of cigarettes. One of the little reservoirs of magic is about equivalent to a pack of fags, you get five of the reservoirs in the starter pack, and the flavours are interesting — peach, cherry, that sort of thing.
So I bought a starter pack, and approached the whole thing with a gargantuan cascade of scepticism, and… that turned out to be, for me at least, entirely unfounded. I’ve now been smoking electric cigarettes for a month, and it’s just fine as far as I can tell. They cost considerably less, they don’t make your room smell, and you don’t die horribly of lung cancer, so there’s just not a lot of failure points here. Smoking’s nice (you may disagree, but whatever), and smoking these is just as nice, in my not-so-humble opinion; the experience is — amazingly, surprisingly — just the same as real fags.
There are a bunch of nutters out there — the same sort of people who refill printer cartridges rather than buying new ones, and who presumably eat discarded food from litter bins because it’s cheaper — who will recommend that you mix your own magic fluid to save money. That seems to me like way, way, way too much effort. If you’re a smoker (and therefore basically a cool person — we’re Bohemians; the last of the breed), you owe it to yourself to chuck down a tenner on one box of electric fags. If you hate it after two days, go back out and buy twenty Rothmans. But I bet you won’t. My books are now digital rather than paper, my mail is electronic rather than printed, my phone calls are GSM rather than copper wires, and now my cigarettes are too. Twenty-first century boy.
Being a smoker for > 20 years, I fully understand the pleasure of smoking. In my entire life I’ve been in the UK for about 7 days but I always loved English cigarettes and currently smoke (the King Size blue) Rothmans.
I have tried two cheap American e-cigs and went back to the real ones quite quickly. I might try it one more time after having read your article.
Thank you!
Oh, btw., I am a surgeon.
Stuart. Skoke as much as you like – weed or electron – up to you.
BUT DON’T smoke near me.
I drink – but I don’t piss on you.
So don’t poison me with your smoke.
Easy.
Wait, you roll your own real cigarettes but not the electronic breed? I’m appalled. I expect a post in the future about how to roll your own electronic cigarettes, complete with a matrix of the best “components”.
On the plus side you’ve gone from the whole “takes 10 minutes to roll a smoke” to about 5 seconds.
My problem has always been the oral addiction and not the nicotine; though these days I only smoke when I travel to be with you guys.
I think I’ll give it a shot too.
Trent,
if you actually read what Aq’s written, you’ll see he mentions the smoke from electronic cigs (at least the ones he has tried) is generated from glycerine, and is nominally non-harmful. This is the point of e-cigs: they are non-carcinogenic.
And incidentally, I’ve had more hassle off people who have been drinking (“awright mate, savellllooooyyyy, come and have a go, whatchoo lookin’ at, eh? eh? eh? eh?”, etc etc) than people who have been smoking (“awright mate, borrow a light off you? smashing, ta. bye!”). If you don’t like being near people when they are smoking, don’t go near people when they are smoking. Simples.
Trent, if you’re thick enough to continue to believe that electronic cigarettes produce smoke then I don’t see why anyone would want to be near you at all, smokers or not.
You know, when we were Skyping the other day I thought your fag looked weird. Now it makes sense…it is a robot fag.
I’m a bit like you, more of a social smoker. Can go for a week or more without, but tend to have a couple when our for a beer, or (rarely) on the Golf Course.
I go for cigars; the small ones like Cafe Creme for “normal” nights out, and the occasional, i.e. once a year, big boy from Cuba for that special occasion.
The small ones smoke as fast as a fag, taste 100 times better and have none of the nasty chemicals they stick in fags.
Aq,
please don’t smoke those e-cigs. There are more harmful chemicals in it then in standard, unhealthy, stinking normal cigarettes. They are even worse for the smokers and non-smokers (yeah those anti smoking nazis)
Smoke tobacco..there are green ones..and forget about all those non-smokers who are giving you names.
You are you and if you want to smoke, smoke. Stand up for your rights.
I know I’ll die after I reach my retirement age.
Trent,
I’m not sure what provoked this particular attack, since firstly I’ve just written a whole monograph on precisely how I’ve switched to a considerably less offensive airborne pollutant, and secondly I go and stand outside to smoke robot fags even though I don’t need to, but I’ll be sure to not poison you.
Josh: no rolling my own electric cigarettes, I’m afraid. There are people who do so (well, who mix their own fluid) but it’s massive hassle to save pennies, as far as I can tell
Jorge: the reason I tried these was precisely because my problem has always been the act of smoking being addictive rather than the chemicals therein, and it deals with that fine… although *some* of it will be the nicotine, and that’s dealt with too, so they’re perfect
I smoked for nearly a decade and quit last year… its been great… food taste better… my clothes dont smell like smoke and I seem to be healthier when it comes to breathing etc.
Occasionally I do cheat when I’m forced to be around smokers or if I am out having drinks… but so far I have not bought a pack of “fags” in months.
Great, you’re on electronic fags. But do they run linux?
(btw, congrats, mate, it’s a pleasure to see that you’re enjoying this – allegedly – harmless solution)
“mix your own magic fluid to save money.”
Ha, electric roll ups
If you haven’t tried already then I can heartily recommend snus as another cig alternative. No risk of cancer and a hearty kick (depending on the brand). Also no-one even notices you doing it so no complaints from that angle either.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snus
http://www.uksnus.co.uk/
p.s. I recommend the portions as their just less hassle.
@baggers “Also no-one even notices you doing it so no complaints from that angle either.”
The person consuming the snus might _think_ that, but you certainly can spot it. A fat lip and black crap around their mouth when they talk kinda gives it away
If you make your own e-cigarettes, you are a terrorist:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jul/05/m6-coach-passengers-evacuated-police
Aq, were you anywhere near the M6 today?
Aquarius, I really hope you reconsider rolling your own e-cigarettes out of small plastic cannisters, an eyedropper full of nicotine and a phone battery
I can’t help but mention that this entire conversation is a lot funnier to American eyes. Gotta love dialects! (And a juvenile sense of humor.)
I don’t even smoke, but I was involved with investigating a business opportunity producing fluid. There are some very good recipes out there that can improve the quality. The price is also crazy low too, I’ve got an entire ods to show the projected profit margin of a potential venture. But cost aside, people who use this stuff in the USA assure me that the quality of the fluid does vary quite a bit.
Aq, I’ve been using e-cigs for ~6 months now and I agree with your assessment. I don’t miss the old analogue cigs at all and I feel much healthier.
Not sure if you’re interested, but I’ve been getting all my gear from http://www.cloud9vaping.co.uk/ — prices are competitive and delivery service is great
Three things. 1) “There are a bunch of nutters out there — the same sort of people who refill printer cartridges rather than buying new ones” *cough*
2) do they really make smoke just to look more similar to the usual ones? Like how they try making seitan look like steak? How silly. 3) Never smoked, but out of curiosity, can you get some fluid with THC?
Nicola: they make smoke so the experience of smoking them is like the normal ones, which is the point
It’s designed to treat the psychological addiction as well as the physical one (if you don’t have a psychological addiction, use nicotine patches instead).
THC fluid… hm. Legality of things containing THC is a complicated subject. I suppose if you can find a jurisdiction where it’s legal, then the fluid would be too!